Sitting before ma PC…
Gazing at the keyboard with a frown nd asking myself ‘Am I a Nerd ?’
A question yet unanswered , but one which keep on bugging me up….
I am yet to find an answer to this mystery of ma life
Always wished and dared to tell ‘No I am Not !’
But , time keep on provoking me Am I Right ?
This thought have bugged me through out ma life , yet no conclusion…
Am I a Nerd ???
Answer me my soul !
I need a refuge ! a helping hand !
No I couldn’t accept those any more , bcos I need an Answer…
I need to have an answer to the crucial dilemma I face … ‘Am I a Nerd?’
Long ago , my old mates bid a bye to me saying we will meet again in the corridors of life.
Those days after my Plus 2 aroused this question for the first time ‘Am I a Nerd?’
Could I ever part my friends, No never!… Impossible and Intolerable, my mind prejudged…
But was it true!!!
Days passed by, life became busy ….
Admission to Professional Courses…..
A new life, a new sole….
Days went by, still the thought remained Could I ever part my friends ?
No never !!! , My soul reassured !!!
Joined VJCET, new campus, new friends…
Life went on, rocking !
Many things happened during these 8 Months…
Life Portrayed into a new Canvas, filled with mud, colours, water and drops of blood…
Then one day , sitting alone in ma bed, I asked ma soul
Could I ever part my friends ???
No never , came a sudden response,
but a sec later I knew the prejudice was from ma brain not from ma soul…
Have I been selfish… Don’t know, though was caring many, failed to remember a few..
Ma old pals.. the sweet time…
Then the Question arose ‘ Am I Nerd ??’
Still no answer …
The thought bugged me up , every second , ever instant …
Then again, my will made a decision ‘ I amn’t, and I care for ma friends…’
Consoled with those , felt reassured and live the life …
VJC days started , being a lateral missed the notes nd a bunch of classes..
But ma new friends lend their hand, completed my notes toiling themselves till midnights ….
Life was good nd days were bright, then 1 day , ma soul spilt a drop of venom…
I lose a good friend… A friend who cared me a lot …
Dunno , whether it was ma mistake or her.. It happened.. Days of pain and torture..
Then again came the question “ Am I a Nerd ??’
Still no answer! Slept over the warmth of ma will and self proclaimed ‘ No I am Not !!!’
Days went on , minds disturbed.. though befriended many , an absence made me pain…
Then again , ma prejudice came to the rescue “ No I am Not Wrong … It just happened !”
Feeling the comfort given by ma prejudice, started to revamp myself…
Then there was a teacher who knew me more than the rest , My Tutor , My Friend..
She consoled me in ma troubles nd told me her saga, her life…
She wasn’t just a teacher , want just a friend but much more ..
She was ma teacher, ma friend and ma sister..
Days flew , I met a girl, whom I wished to meet from ma first gaze..
She was there , sitting alone , with a few friends…
My soul told me , she needed me , as a friend, to share her feelings…
And following the Maestro of my life, Ma Soul, I went to her…
She treated me as a stranger, showed no affection, instead tried to run away…
But ma mind kept on telling, she was in need of me and her heart was weeping…
I talked, talked and talked …
After a few days she considered me as her classmate nd after a few more as a friend..
I was sure of the fact that, I could befriend any one if I wished to…
And I believed in the fact that ‘I could rule any heart in the world and could conjure any soul if I wished to ..’
A few days passed by, she came near me , sit to ma side and told her sorrows…
Her worries nd her pains…
By the miraculous power the lord has showered in I could touch her heart and cld feel her pain..
It made me revoke myself and thus a friendship Bloomed…
She shared everything with me, so do I. And those bright days of ma life bloomed again..
She raised to her life nd became happy , I suppose.. Made a lot of new friends.. started enjoying the life, which once she have left aside…
Being happy and delighted I proclaimed again ‘ I am not a Nerd ! I care ma friends more than me !!!’
Days went on.. and then came a threat, My best pal in the hostel is being shifted.. he was ma soul relief in ma pains.. sharing with him made ma heart float , but then It was a reality…
Recovered from all those nd got engaged in ma life @ VJCET…
Being comforted by ma loving seniors life here was enjoyable..
My seniors whom I care for …
My pals, ma comrades and ma bros and sis…
They were with me, behind me in all ma ventures from the start..
Mridul, Jeevan, Rohan, Genuine, Jinu, Sherine, Ann, Smitha, Rahul how ever could I thank you guys…
You made ma life happy and most juicy !!!
Being supported from ma seniors, I took ma role in all the activities,
whether it’s a fest nor a celebration, was there lending ma help…
And those days I care for r there in ma mind nd will ever be…
Then again came the chaos, the Academics…
Being in the counter part I always considered Academics as a guide to success nd have never though that a persons success lies on his academics..
But the condition was terrible, I cldnt cope up with the Bujjis and Whizz , was step aside in the exams …
But I always found a way to have a satisfactory Outcome…
But , never till date, I had any pain , concerned to ma Academics…
Never, have I spilt ma tears for ma studies @least after coming here to VJC…
All my concern was for friendship, relations, life nd its nectar…
But Now the Question arises
“ Was I wrong ??”
Dunt knooow was ma answer …
Days went by came December , the xmas celebs…
Toiled myself to every bit to keep the tradition to Crown IT the Champions…
And ma work paid its fruit… Nd we were crowned ‘The Champions”
The joy halted when Ma dear tutor came to the class and Invited us all to her wedding..
Though she have told abt it to me a long back , the feeling of her absence made me Mad…
Ma thoughts got some boost nd then agin came the question
‘Am I Nerd??’
I cldnt keep up with any of ma friends, the dear ones always seem to leave me in the muck.
This time I decided I will find an answer..
And told ma soul to leave me alone…
Longing for an answer to the ultimate dilemma I sat in ma bed…
Ma eyes grew red.. I was dozing .. Still no answer….
Ma mind revolted, I need an answer badly
But how, I didn’t knew
Then came her call, ma friend , ma teacher …
She called me , consoled me …
That act made me vibrant.. It made me think that ma friends cared…
As an energy booster or piece of Narcotic I wld say, it really made me float…
January came , and made me weep inside ,as I bid bye to ma teacher, Ma sweet friend…
College was dull …
Then came the IV. Enjoyed the thrill nd ecstasy of clubbing with friends…
Glad hours…
Then again, daily fights with ma best pal pained me ,
but those pains wer not from sadness but wer from joy that she cared me !!!
March came nd I wld say month was a mix up… My Academics got tarnished …..
But ma life was rejuvenated by the tech fest, in which I was active nd Kicking…
Teachers complained, my academics is going down…
But I couldn’t do any thing.
I cared life more than ma studies…
But ‘Was I Wrong ?’
Then I patched up ma problems with ma old friend nd sorted everyting and days went happily ,
in a vague sense I wld say…
Then came April, the last month of First year…
It started with joy .. but later the bitter realities abt academics made me felt aside…
Made new friends, rebounded old ones, oiled ma friendship chain and screwed up ma life…
The last day @ VJC as a first year student end on April 21. Returned home…
Today , being alone in ma room gazing @ the books which are meant to be turned and studied.
With the sessionals marks with me gazing and giggling…
‘ Manu, You r a Nerd ! You were wrong in those decisions.. You spoilt your time …
After all Am I a Nerd ???
You never cared for You , Your studies!!!
You are just another Dumb Old Guy…
All it matters in this world is You!’
Now here sitting nd typing these words , to be true I don’t Know what to do !
I don’t have an answer and the Soul seems to be enchanted by the Black Mist
Dunno what to do !
Dunno where to find refuge !
Dunno for sure !!!
Was I wrong till these days !!!
Were my concepts wrong all these days ?
Answers yet to found out …
Hope I find it out soon..
If u cld lend a hand , do it for gods sake , bcos I am a bit Nerd
